Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
