I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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