Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
