How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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