I think i peed on brittanys purse
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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