Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
