I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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