I feel like I'm in dance class right now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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