she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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