if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
