Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
