I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
