I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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