I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
