well I can't set my house on fire every night
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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