All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
