The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
