I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
