Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
