Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
