i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
