And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
