i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
