need another drink. this is the easiest way
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
