I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
