I wanna passion pit in your ass
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
