but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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