Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
