The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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