Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
