Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
