It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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