I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
