It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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