he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
