your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
