so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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