I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
