Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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