so that wasnt chicken after all
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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