So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
