Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
