either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
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We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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