So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
