I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
