I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
