I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
