i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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