wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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