hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
