My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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