I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
