it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
