After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
