one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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