Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
