i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
