if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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