omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize
