Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
