He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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