Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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