you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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