id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
