The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
